Tintagel

Tintagel

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Becoming Elisabeth Westberg

As it is the last day of 2015 and this is the last post on the blog, it seems fitting to take a moment or two to reflect back in time and put a few more words down in regards to the shape that the waves and rocks have taken over the years.

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The first post was 1 December, 2010 (almost exactly 5 years ago).

It started with:  "I am becoming Mrs. Allin again. I will be known to Henry's daycare, schools, doctors, friends and so on, as Mrs. Allin. I will see about switching my name at work and possibly legally changing my name to Mrs. Allin as well. The goal is simplicity and consistency."

Fast forward to the present day and not only am I still not Mrs. Allin, but I'm no longer married.  At the time of writing, Henry was two and half months old and I was recovering from a traumatic birth experience as well as grappling with a deep grief for my birth mother, who died when I was 2 1/2.  

I wanted to fully embrace my new identity as a mother and at the same time start a blog to help find my voice.   They ended up being at odds with each other for a time, but over the years have converged into one identity.  

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Just as bread needs time to prove, to be knocked back and given a chance to rise again, so has this last year been for me.  

"The goal is simplicity and consistency."

These words still ring true.  Only this time, it is not linked to a name change or an image.  They are principles that guide the actions in my day-to-day life.  

The simplicity of living in a 1 bedroom apartment with a 5 year old (half time), after having lived in a 4 bedroom house, is actually wonderful.  Clutter needs to be tightly managed and possessions chosen carefully.  This results more often in focusing on what matters and definitely there is less cleaning to do.  

Having spent more time with friends this last year than in a very long while, I've come to realise how they are life-giving, indispensable and must be treasured.  I am nothing without my friends (you know who you are).  

Proximity to the Beach has been invaluable.  Nature is always there to remind me that the best things in life are free.  

And through it all, Henry as a kind of barometer, has continued to thrive.  He is enjoyed by his teachers at school, loved by his friends, and excels at what he applies himself to.  He seems to be a happy, stimulated and curious child, although I'm sure it is tough to have to divide time between parents when time is so much at a premium to begin with.  So we make the best of our situation.

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In finding this new rhythm and lifestyle, there has been the chance for stability to take root.  With that comes discipline and consistency.  So unlike much of my previous way of living, this stable approach and outlook allow for learning and creativity to bud and I hope eventually to flourish.  

These are the hopes.

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And so, I am becoming Elisabeth Westberg again.  Both a devoted mother and someone who has her own voice.  Someone who is not afraid to follow love and to learn. 

Someone who is prepared to give her all and to do what it takes to ride through the waves.  

December 31, 2015

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