Becoming. Always becoming.
Are they slip knots, tangles or deliberate safety knots?
Less and less I remember the details.
Here, now. The waters are calm. I want to hold onto the silence, the comfort, the safety.
Experience builds a hollow tube in my chakras. My emotions punch out shapes in the tube; they travel without resistance and bounce around in that tube. Like a sorting toy, my heart-shaped emotion won't fit into the diamond-shaped hole. And more experiences and more shapes are added until it resembles a cosmic portal, or plumbing, or my heart.
Until a vehicle comes along. Not a spacecraft or truck, this vehicle grabs hold of my circle-shaped emotion and clicks it back into its place in the circle-shaped hole. Simple. Complete. Healing. But how? After so long?
The vehicle is...awareness? Compassion?
Like a miracle remedy. A balm. The seas are calm.
Sometimes those emotion-shapes bounce around for years, decades. Colliding and searching for home. Some holes may forever be empty. Maybe the shapes got lost? Or like Halley's comet, it won't circle around for years. Small windows of opportunity.
Home is within myself. I am portable.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
It's 2 hours later than I planned to go to bed. There's still today's newspaper to be read (and all of last week's), a book I'd like to finish, work I've brought home with me, a quick play on the piano (I haven't really played in a month+), sweep the breeding dust bunnies, clean the toilet/sink/...house...
I'm constantly juggilng and scheduling because there isn't enough time for Henry or Stephen or myself or work, never mind the above.
And yet I feel happy. Tired but happy.
Here's some videos to help cut down on the time needed to write. As some people say, a picture's worth a thousand words. So what's a video worth?
Saturday, January 5, 2013
The transition from domestic holiday bliss to the relentlessness of being a working parent in the city has started out well.
On Wednesday Henry returned to daycare and S & I to our polar opposite places of employment.
Henry was glad to be back with his friends, his "teachers" and the varied activities that $1300 a month provides. He's been eating up a storm, talking, singing and playing in the snow.
On Thursday Henry & I resumed our "library day" ritual and checked out 5 books (all relating to trucks or trains). Next week he will apply for his own card, and learn to use the self-checkout scanner.
On Friday, S was kind enough to pick up Henry in the afternoon while I had an evening off to myself. I got my hair cut, went to City Hall and did 15 minutes of ice skating (all I could take in those rental skates...or perhaps I'm just out of shape?), then did 1 hour of karaoke at Bar + on Yonge St. Then I headed east to have a burger at GBK at Jones/Gerrard and then a coffee at Starbucks while I read a book (Flight Behaviour by Barbara Kingslover); an eclectic but rejuvenating evening.
So now it's the weekend. This morning we took Henry to Kensington Market for the first time, as he's old enough to handle the length and complexity of the travel to get there.
We saw the clock tower and fire station just off College Street. From there we meandered through the Market, bought some fruit, a cookie and then settled into a child unfriendly cafe, which Henry enjoyed. I'm certain the other patrons did not feel the same, until we left.
Here's some pictures from this morning.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2013 has arrived. A crisp linen sheet.
Plainly look. Plainly take stock.
"If we want to see where we went wrong
We needn't look too far,
For where we'll be and where we've been
Is always where we are.
And everything that comes your way
Is something you once gave,
Somebody feels the water
Every time you make a wave."
Truth in Comedy
MY SON: RAMBLINGS
Henry is growing up, boy wouldn't you know. He is speaking well and is able to form complete sentences. He sings songs, getting the tune and most of the words right after only a few hearings. Sometimes a long time has past since he heard the song, yet he is able to recall the tune and words.
Yesterday morning I dared to switch our kitchen radio from CBC Radio 4 to the Classical FM station (yes. I. am. square.), and after the chamber piece finished, Henry applauded. Classical music (excluding opera), seems to strike a chord in him.
We bought our first sled yesterday and took turns taking Henry down the hill at East Lynn park. There was also a make-shift ice rink, where Henry took his first ice-related tumble. He hit is forehead, as he was so surprised he failed to raise his arms to slow the fall. Today, he keeps talking about the "Mr. Frumble on the ice." He's embarrassed. But I got him out again today at City Hall and had him stand briefly on the ice. We also went sledding again at Cassell's Park, but he was too distracted by his bowels to stay very long. (It's a long story involving clenched butt cheeks and constipation running well over a month now...), ask me about it over a drink.
So the year wound-down late November with a stay-cation, where Stephen & I took a week off of work to spend with Henry in and around Toronto and the greater area. Then of course the Christmas preparations, fighting colds, and wrapping up the year tying up lose ends at work, and missing almost all of the parties, due to sheer exhaustion and double-bookings.
But now Christmas and New Year's Day have passed. Looking forward, I see so many birthdays of little people who popped into our lives what seems like only yesterday. Some are turning 3, 4 and 5, and some have yet to be born this year.
Here's some pictures and video to round out this wrap-up.
New Year's Day Sing-Song
November Stay-cation: Cannington Caboose
Christmas Day: opening up the Mini Magazine "Oh, I like it!"
First real snowfall in 2 years. "I don't like snow. I like snow."
His whole face ended up covered in trucks.
Both of us learning how to make bread, New Year's morning.