Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Transition

Deep breath. Look around. Silence.

I feel like I just got off the longest roller coaster of my life.

It has been two months since the transition to daycare started.

It started out dark, scary, but gentle. And then each day was like going up side down in the dark for a little bit longer each time.

Especially at the beginning it was utterly exhausting emotionally and physically to untie myself from the minutia of Henry's life, our routines. To wonder if I was really hurting him and causing irreparable damage.

I have rarely ever felt so alone. Having been his primary caregiver, my experience was different from S's.

When I returned to work and S and I shared the responsibilities, I no longer felt alone. I am so grateful for a loving husband and doting father to Henry.

Going back to work meant revisiting an identity I had put on hold for 7 months. All of a sudden people wanted answers to questions I had forgotten existed. And in a new role, in a new office, I am still adjusting and catching up.

Add to this the on-going work in the basement (which should be completed this Thursday), the subsequent deletion of our savings, the consequent dust distributed all over the house and the basement furniture that is crowding every room of the house preventing the full enjoyment of any room...and well, that's all a bit stressful.

Add on a 3-week cold that I just can't shake, Henry also having been sick and waking up a lot at night (thankfully now seems to be better...after weeks of rain the sun has finally come out. In many ways.

The roller coaster is slowing down and I can see the end of the ride.

Henry is a very happy boy and loves daycare. I have a job that allows me to have flexible hours. Our basement is about to be finished and be much improved. Our house will be re-arranged, cleaned and once again a joy to live in. My cold will go away soon.

We have wonderful friends and family who have supported us through all of this and for that I am grateful.

It is once again time to wrap up and prepare for the next day.

Monday, May 16, 2011


cough cough.

Sit up straight.

Summer's coming.

Must flatten my belly, muscles are so slack.

Hunch in my back.

Henry likes rhymes.

It's 8pm, I need to be in bed.

So tired.

It this the start of life as a hack? A mule, that breaks its back to serve the Master?

Who am I serving by going to work, paying taxes?

Will there be a time when this passes? When the financial crunch eases and the hours of the day cease to slip ?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Basement Baptism

This morning I went late to the office. The basement workmen are back!

The basement has been a disaster since the beginning of April when the concrete floor was jackhammered in places. So we are paying them to return and put in plastic tiles. The tiles are insulated and resemble grey sandstone. They removed the wall-to-wall carpeting and the redundant raised floor in Stephen's office, put on a new baseboard trim, attached or hid wires where necessary, and will re-attach the laundry room door. They also kindly put the door back on our kitchen cupboard.

Upon returning home from busy work and picking up a happy Henry from daycare, I inspected their handiwork. It is a sobering moment of truth when you find out how $5,000 of your cold hard cash was spent in a day.

The floor looks great. When walking across it though, it is a bit uneven and the tiles are not flush to the ground. Ok, so maybe that will settle? The tiles also don't meet the baseboards at certain points, which I will address with them tomorrow, since they are coming back for 1 more day of work.

We didn't obtain any other quotations from other companies and so we put all our eggs in one basket. I accept the price of our laziness.

At the end of the day, we are learning and slowly improving the house. House prices are going up, so I don't expect we will lose any money when all's said and done.

In other news, here's a few photos from Henry's baptism:

The cake that weighs more than Henry.

Like a blushing bride on his wedding day.

Proud parents and Godparents.

4 generations

Dear Papa singing a Swedish hymn to his great-grandson.
Thanks mom for the surprise!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

I'm Alive!

Since Easter much has happened. The main thing is now Henry is baptized and a big event at work I was involved with is over.

I got a stress eczema rash on my wrists, in-between my fingers and even in my mouth as a result of everything happening at once.

There's a new government and political landscape in Canada too.

Our basement is getting a new floor this week.

I am certainly riding a wave right now, looking for some rocks to anchor me down.

S continues to be a great support.